wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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