plz talk dirty to me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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