Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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