i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
