so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
