the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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