Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
