Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize