Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
