Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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