So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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