Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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