its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
