Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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