Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
