After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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