i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize