just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
