Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry matt_mattmatt hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing

Fav 0 879 1061
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.

Fav 32 977 4676
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

Fav 10 2928 837
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

It's like God shit irony all over that family

Fav 45 2875 1206
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived

Fav 16 5350 859
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...

Fav 15 1468 3224
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(414): View more from Wisconsin

If i need to get strippers involved i will.

Fav 17 3652 1155
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.

Fav 1 487 238
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.

Fav 0 46 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT