I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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