there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
