using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
