i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
