I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
