apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
