I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
