Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
