Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
