didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
