evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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