Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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