No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
