Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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