i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
