11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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