I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize