me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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