My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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