I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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