Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
