I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
