I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this just has baby written all over it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
