The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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