So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
