THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
