I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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