I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
