You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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