yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
