Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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