Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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