I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
