i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
