Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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