I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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