yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
