hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
