Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
