I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
