i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
