so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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