you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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