I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
