Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
