You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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