your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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