half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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