i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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