I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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