Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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