Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize