he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
