I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
