he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
